That's Life

I'm sitting in bed, enjoying the breeze coming in from the patio. The house is quiet except for the click click of the bathroom clock. The little one and our pets are napping. If only I could. I need a shower. I need to pick up. But today, I don't really feel like doing much. Last night was well, rough.

I've been dealing with numbness and pain in my hands for what seems like ages now. Both hands were operated on this past winter, and the surgery didn't exactly help. When my back started spasming and refused to let up, both the chiropractor and the surgeon agreed that something else is going on. So, that explains the need for the MRI. The person that designed the MRI, brilliant as he is, is a sick son of a...

When I walked in last night in my hospital gown, I was expecting an open MRI. I've had three scans previously, and although I was a little freaked out I got through it. I climbed onto that table last night not knowing what I was getting into. Before the appointment they asked if I wanted a sedative, and I should have taken it. Always take the drugs.

He slid me into the tube, which is a little like a rounded coffin. My head was strapped into a coil and my legs were propped up, so I couldn't see outside. The couple of times I did open my eyes only fueled the building claustrophobia. I kept thinking "Don't push the panic button. Don't do it. You are okay. Breathe in. Breathe out. If you get out now you'll have to do this again." I was so cold even with a blanket and from adrenaline that I was fighting the urge to shiver and shake. My back was on fire and I thought the IUD was being ripped through my back and towards the magnets. Normally the tech will give you a few seconds between the sets of scans to let you relax a little, but I was not so lucky. It was nearing 7 o'clock and I think the tech wanted to get done with work for the night. That or he thought he was being nice by getting it over as quickly as possible.

I'm still recovering almost a full day later. My shoulders are sore, my nerves are fried, and I'm exhausted. I wonder if anything will show on the report. I don't really want anything to show up. Nobody WANTS problems with their spine. If nothing shows up, though, what is wrong? Why the spasms that won't let up? It just brings more questions...