I've been down in the dumps this week, and you know what? That is just fine. Sometimes you just need to take ownership of mild depression and allow yourself to be blue. Accepting that you are hurting and allowing yourself to work through it is a heck of a lot healthier than ignoring the pain.
I have a lot on my mind lately. Luckily I have the best husband and doctors I could ask for at this point, and I have a big family and group of friends to turn to when I need it. I really don't know what my life will look like a year from now, let alone five years from now.
For now, my neurologist is observing my condition while treating the symptoms the best that we can. I was switched to Valium from Ativan since it is longer acting, and the dose will be adjusted accordingly. He also gave me a prescription for Tramadol, the pain medicine that the last neurologist made me stop taking. Her excuse? If you're on pain medicines now, what do we use later when it gets worse? You use STRONGER medication, you dolt! Tramadol is a good choice in this case because it is not addictive and I do not have side effects while on it. It allows me to live a much more normal life.
My doctor also is supportive of me filing for disability again, so we are prepared to walk that road again. Hopefully having his support will make it a little easier this time. I also have a much more serious diagnosis, which is beneficial for benefits...but crappy in real life.
I'd like to get away with Adam for a couple days. I need to dig my feet in the sand and let my soul be free. We'll see...