If you read this blog, you know that I've been having good days and not so good days. Some days I'm weeping like a broken water pipe, others I'm happy to be living life. Dealing with a devastating diagnosis is like stepping into a whirlwind. Some days I just need to be held, and my husband is there for me.
Don't get me wrong - I don't feel like I'm stuck in a whirlwind of depression. I'm stuck with trying to figure out what this diagnosis means, and what my path in life will be. Should I hold off on classes for now, until things are figured out? Should I drop the goal of an AA and just take classes that are interesting to me? Will we ever have enough income to get a place of our own? (Don't get me wrong - I really, really appreciate Mom letting us stay here.) Will we be able to have another child? Will I have the energy for another baby?
I am the type of person that likes to have a plan. I like to know where I'm heading, where I've been. In away, this diagnosis is gratifying. It is evidence that I wasn't a lazy lump all of these years. I wasn't giving up on school and a fancy career. I was SICK, and I don't know if others have really realized that yet. I have accomplished more than many have with the cards I have been dealt. Accepting that has also been gratifying.
I've joined a couple online support groups, since none exist locally. I bought a book on how to deal with a devastating diagnosis. I'm making an effort to get up and do a little exercise, only if it is to do a few squats or push-ups against the counter. Anything is better than nothing. When I need a little cheering up and I'm here alone, I feed the pullets a little treat. Watching their antics would make anyone smile.
Here's to another day - hopefully a good one. :)