Monday, March 28, 2011

Step One - Finding a Foundation

If you read this blog, you know that I've been having good days and not so good days.  Some days I'm weeping like a broken water pipe, others I'm happy to be living life.  Dealing with a devastating diagnosis is like stepping into a whirlwind.  Some days I just need to be held, and my husband is there for me.

Don't get me wrong - I don't feel like I'm stuck in a whirlwind of depression.  I'm stuck with trying to figure out what this diagnosis means, and what my path in life will be.  Should I hold off on classes for now, until things are figured out?  Should I drop the goal of an AA and just take classes that are interesting to me? Will we ever have enough income to get a place of our own? (Don't get me wrong - I really, really appreciate Mom letting us stay here.)  Will we be able to have another child?  Will I have the energy for another baby?

I am the type of person that likes to have a plan.  I like to know where I'm heading, where I've been.  In away, this diagnosis is gratifying.  It is evidence that I wasn't a lazy lump all of these years.  I wasn't giving up on school and a fancy career.  I was SICK, and I don't know if others have really realized that yet.  I have accomplished more than many have with the cards I have been dealt.  Accepting that has also been gratifying.  

I've joined a couple online support groups, since none exist locally.  I bought a book on how to deal with a devastating diagnosis.  I'm making an effort to get up and do a little exercise, only if it is to do a few squats or push-ups against the counter.  Anything is better than nothing.  When I need a little cheering up and I'm here alone, I feed the pullets a little treat. Watching their antics would make anyone smile.  

Here's to another day - hopefully a good one. :)

1 comment:

  1. Hi Jillian,
    i was interested in ur blog description (found u on BlogHer) and wanted to know what diagnosis u keep referring to...can u explain a little?
    hope ur having a great day!


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