I'm okay until...
...Emma brings me a baby blanket and tells me that it holds all of her memories of baby Avalon. That she's going to hold on to the blanket for when the baby visits from Heaven.
...I hear Emma out on the front porch explaining to her friends that our baby died, and it won't come back from Heaven until we can try again for another.
...I look at my knitting stuff and see the hats I had already made for the baby. Little, soft hats in brown, blues and greens, and a mix of reds, pinks, yellows and greens that reminds me of watermelon and summer.
...I pick up the papers from the hospital that show the ultrasound results for an empty womb.
...I curl up in bed at night and try to say my prayers without thinking about what could have been.