Tuesday, December 14, 2010


It is hard to say that there still are no answers.  I have been playing phone tag with Mercy San Juan for two weeks now, just trying to get an appointment scheduled.  The EMG needs to be redone differently.  I'd rather tell them to shove the electrodes and needles you know where...but it needs to be done.  Hopefully they are easier on my than others have been.  

The cold weather is here, and while I love it, my constantly rigid muscles do not.  My muscles despise the beautiful pitter-patter of rain.  My muscles hate the brisk morning air.  Mostly, my muscles want me in bed, swaddled in blankets, and pumped up on muscle relaxers.  I'm not exactly the life of the party right now.  After a long day of the ups and downs, I'm tried and cranky.  It figures, right?

Somehow in this craziness, Adam and I are aching to bring another child into our lives.  My doctors don't seem to think it will be a problem, but my body isn't cooperating.  All that time we spent trying to adopt, trying to NOT get pregnant because of these muscle issues...and now we try and can't.  Go figure. I went in for blood-work this past weekend, so maybe we'll at least have answers in that arena.  Until now we haven't really talked about it.  It rips your heart out in a way that many just don't understand.

Emma keeps asking when she'll get a brother or sister, and all I can tell her is that it will happen when God is ready.  Sometimes she tells me that God spoke to her, and that a baby would come soon.  It makes my heart hurt and my eyes tear up, because of her candid conversations with God.  I can't tell her the whole truth, just that it will happen when it happens.  If I had the choice, we'd have a few kiddies by now. I'm not sure if it is in God's plans...he's pretty mysterious that way.  

Partly to keep myself busy while school is out, and partly to get us eating well, I have taken up lacto-fermentation.  Most of us are so far removed from food sources that thinking about bacteria in our food is disgusting.  Lacto-fermented foods are chock full of probiotics.  So many, in fact, that food does not spoil because there is such a high number of good bacteria.  

From left to right in this picture we have garlic kraut, garlic pickled green beans, regular pickles, sweet & spicy mustard, and cranberry sauce.  Last week we made some cortido (latino version of kraut with carrots, cilantro, and peppers) and it is SO good.  I have been eating it with just steamed rice for a quick lunch.  I made ketchup last month, and it was such a hit that I started another batch last night.  If you're interested, I highly recommend Wild Fermentation by Sandor Katz.


  1. Oh Jillian, I can't imagine my mind loving cold weather, and my body not! That must be so hard on top of everything else you are going through!

    I am also so sorry for your not being able to get pregnant, that sure can be such a lonely place to be.

    You are so right about God's plan being so mysterious! I sure hope things start falling into place for you guys....you deserve so very much ;o)

    Yummy on the food, it looks good, AND beautiful to boot!

    Love you,


  2. Thinking about you Sis. Hope things fall into place soon...


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