Thursday, August 25, 2011

wishing I was knee deep in the water somewhere...

Things have been changing since I last posted.  Some for the better, some not.  Getting pregnant within three weeks of the loss of Avalon has been, to say the least, difficult.  It is hard to get excited like I was when I was pregnant with Emma.  Somehow through the pain and exhaustion from dealing with hyperemesis gravidarium, I still felt so close to her.  I was excited and could not wait to hold her.  I love this baby - I do.  I just think that the happy kittens and rainbow minutes will be here when the baby is finally in my arms.

I've been trying get by without medication or with very little, and that is physically and emotionally very difficult.  It is hard to go back to the constant stiffness, the posture of Quasi Modo, and the pain.  It reminds me that I am stuck with this.  That I don't know where I'll be 10 or 20 years for now.  That I pray every night for some kind of breakthrough or cure.  

So far my OB has been great.  She sent me to a perinatologist to discuss my medication and treatment, and he gave me several options.  He was very concerned about me having a fall, since SPS can cause you to fall like "a tin soldier."  The perinatologist said that IVIG is fine as well, as long as my liver can take it.  He also was very supporting of me having a VBAC.  He saw no issues about me planning for a VBAC, but leaving the option of a c-section open if I have a flare-up.

I've started back on steriods because they are of the lowest risk to the baby at this point.  I don't like steroids.  Steroids make me feel like crap.  Normally I get insomnia and ache all over.  Being pregnant, I am incredibly exhausted, achy, and get up to go pee every hour on the the hour when I try to sleep.  I wake up dehydrated and spend the day trying to get rehydrated again.  Then we start another day.

I see my OB tomorrow, and hopefully I can get a copy of the perinatology report to bring to my neurologist's office.  I'm hoping for another ultrasound tomorrow.  The doctor mentioned that she'd probably do a quick scan at 12 weeks.  I'd like to see where the placenta is positioned this time.  Last time it was anterior, and that caused Emma to sit posterior, or "sunny side up."  Posterior positioning makes trip through the birth canal much more difficult, though it can be done. 
We've had a few little family emergencies in the past couple weeks...and I need a serious vacation.  Sing me away, Zac and Jimmy, sing me away.


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